fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i came on her dog
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
