That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
bring money and cleavage
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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