We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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