I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
