Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
