So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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