im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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