he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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