i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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