38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
