Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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