Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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