Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
