What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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