new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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