oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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