if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
