Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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