just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
