Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
