I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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