I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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