thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
