Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
