My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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