I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
