he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
