Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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