this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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