Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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