My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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