You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
