Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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