Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
