I just pynch a tree in the face
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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