Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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