Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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