I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
