I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
