I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
