the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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