Swine flu. Run for my life!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she smelled like a LAN party
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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