ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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