do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
