I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
