Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize