I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
