pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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