things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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