I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize