Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
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Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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