i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
