Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
