i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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