Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize