she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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