I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
