when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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