How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
ttyl tear gas
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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