Will you blow on my dice?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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