we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
